🎊 31/07/2023 Life Update 🎊

Disclaimer: Throughout the second half of this entry I'll be briefly discussing sexual assault, rape, abuse, and unwanted, forced pregnancy. If these topics cause you distress, discomfort or agitate symptoms of PTSD please skip this entry. Your safety and convenience are of the utmost importance. If you decide to exit after this content warning I wish you well and hope to see you at another time. 

Good evening lovelies! 🌷 This weekend was really eventful!! 🌟 On Friday, the summer program at my job ended so I'm officially on summer vacation for the next two weeks before the year starts up again. Saying goodbye to this group of hummingbirds was especially difficult. I love every one of them and I'll miss their smiles, quirks, and the laughs we shared - even the times I had to chase after them when they ran down the hallways. I learned a lot these past few months and look forward to what's to come. I feel blessed to be in a loving working environment and have grown as much as I have because of the patience and guidance of my coworkers, some of whom unfortunately left too soon for me to truly appreciate their companionship, especially that of my lead teacher from "Class B." We didn't get to become as close as I'd liked yet in the short time I was working with her, she already showed me a tremendous amount of consideration that I'm so grateful for. I hope good luck comes her way wherever she goes along with the others who will be moving forward.

Pleasant surprises all around! Some of the parents treated the other teachers and me with gifts and flowers!! Their thank yous are very appreciated 💘 I hope they truly understand that the time with their little ones was a blessing to all of us and we will continue to always wish them well and look forward to what the future holds for their families💗

Commencement was also this weekend 🎉 I actually graduated a while ago but due to other financial obligations and familial emergencies, I wasn't able to walk until now. I was hesitant to attend graduation because my insecurities got ahold of me but luckily everyone in my support system reminded me that I deserved to be celebrated 💌 There were many times throughout my academic career when I could only take a class or two a semester to have to time to work up to three jobs to help support my family. Throughout my time as a student, I was manipulated, abused, sexually assaulted, and raped - the last assault resulting in pregnancy.  All of these traumatic events tremendously deteriorated my mental stability which has irreparably affected my physical health - which of course negatively impacted my school performance. It's all so much, y'know? But my loved ones were right, my journey and how long it took isn't something to be ashamed of. I invited some of my best friends who later treated me to Korean BBQ 💅💓

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The waiter was so sweet! We told him I was graduating and he was really generous with the portions of food and even gave us some freebies, including these celebratory cupcakes 🧁💟 

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I had a blast! Unfortunately, the day was unbearably hot and I didn't take decent photos at the actual ceremony but I am planning on doing a photoshoot someday. I'm eternally grateful to my support system which is undoubtedly the reason why I had the stamina to continue my schooling but also the reason why I was inspired to keep wanting to live 💝 I hope I get to celebrate with everyone soon!!🍓⭐

I've moved forward with a new chapter in my life for some time, but the graduation ceremony cemented it. I have new friends I want to hang out with more and new life aspirations. I can't thank my friends, my sisters, my nephews, my mentors, and my parents enough. I was triggered the other day and yet I was able to gather myself effectively and move past it, with no problem, and can do so thanks to the hard work of all the therapists who took care of me while I was enrolled in my university's Victim Empowerment Program (VEP.) From needing emergency two to three-hour therapy sessions up to three times a week with additional group sessions to finally reaching a point where I am is truly a miracle. If any readers are also experiencing suffocating hardships please be kind to yourself and let yourself find refuge in loved ones and know there are resources out there to help you. I hope you all are having a peaceful night 💗🌺

If you or a loved one is struggling click here to see a list of resources provided by the American Psychological Association

🌃 So I Just Binged: MTV's Downtown 🌃

Disclaimer: This post contains spoilers for MTV's Downtown. 

"MTV presents Downtown, an animated look at the most animated part of town drawn from real life."  - Quote from the show's commercial promo.

Good afternoon lovelies! 💗 You won't believe it but I'm sick again! I went to receive medical attention from Urgent Care today and the doctors stated this is common when working with young children and my immune system just needs time to get used to it all. But I digress. Being homebound gave me enough time to watch all thirteen episodes of MTV's Downtown. 

MTV's Downtown is an animated series/sitcom that was broadcast during the tail end of 1999. The show follows a cast of young adults navigating urban life in the Lower East Side of NYC. I first learned about the show through a Twitter thread that elaborated on how the series was based on interviews with random people the production found on the streets. The most interesting of the bunch is the interview with the person who inspired Serena, a popular goth girl who's the main character's love interest. As someone "from the future", the show is an interesting time capsule of attitudes, fashion, and jargon used at the time. There are no high stakes, all conflicts the characters face are situations we've all encountered or will come across throughout the transition between teenagehood and young adulthood, making Downtown a comfort show for many.  

". . . instead of coming up with characters and stuff, you know, that [MTV] might not like I'll just go really broad and say we're going down the street - it's going to be like cinéma vérité shit and we're gonna go, like, record these kids off the street, record their audio and animate to that . . . [MTV's], like, 'well [the idea is] kind of crazy. We need scripts and characters and stuff' . . . We just basically mostly just put in either people we had met on the street or people we already knew . . .", Downtown's creator, Chris Prynoski, on how the show's concept came to fruition.

From left to right: The creator's self-insert, Alex Hensen, his best friend Jen, his younger sister Chaka, and Chaka's schoolfriends: Mecca, Fruity, and Matt. Alex's crush Serena and some dude named Goat. At the time of its premiere, the show was praised for the cast's diversity along with the believable dialogue and chemistry between them.

The series focuses on *~nice guy~* Alex Hensen, a twenty-four-year-old guy with an interest in comic books, Sci-fi, and D&D who recently moved out of his parent's house in hopes of having a space to lose his virginity - something he's really self-conscious about. His extrovert sister Chaka often pushes the plot forward with her shenanigans. She is a handful but considering how she's only in high school with seemingly no parental discipline, I was never mad at her antics but instead towards their parents. Chaka is often seen with her best friends Mecca, Fruity, and Matt who are given small spotlights throughout the narrative. Out of the three of them, Fruity was the most annoying as the self-proclaimed "ladies' man" when in reality he's a sex pest whose skirt-chasing often gets everyone, including himself, into trouble. I also found Alex's friends Jen and Goat deeply unlikeable as well. Jen is a social outcast, like Alex, she's interested in "geeky" hobbies while being deeply insecure and copes through deprecating humor towards herself and others. Jen carries a lot of bile and is cruel towards anyone and everyone, especially other women and girls. From whorephobic, misogynistic, and ableist rants to openly suggesting to Alex to physically abuse his sister when she's being a brat, she's too much for me. She doesn't treat those she's friendliest towards with much kindness either to the point where I was left wondering why Alex was even friends with her as we see him be uncomfortable with her intolerances before finally standing up for himself in a later episode. And finally, there's Goat. He's a creep and skeeze. There's a bit where he shows off to Alex the underage porn featuring girls with dwarfism he bought at a con. Electric chair.

Serena is my favorite. The writers describe her to be the most level-headed from the cast and it rings true. Unfortunately, we don't see much of her and because Alex has a crush on Serena, we sparingly see her in a manner or in situations that are not clouded by his infatuation. In the short instances where we are given insight into Serena's thoughts, we learn how she's tired of being singled out for being goth and how it's affected how others perceive her, especially potential friends or love interests. While also flawed, her shortfalls are what I would expect in someone in their early twenties, and because she's so young I would expect her to grow out of it. She corrects herself and holds herself accountable for misjudging Alex as an irredeemable nerd because of his clothes and gives him the opportunity to get to know him more intimately until he blows it. Serena is open-minded and somewhat PC. While the others are mocking the snails served at a Malaysian restaurant while speaking in a fake, racist "Asian accent", Serena calls them out while pointing out that the cuisine is no weirder than eating the processed pig guts in hot dogs.

Downtown uses its animated format, often creating psychedelic flashy images of each character's fantasies and fears. The soundtrack is great and it's a neat detail how little playlists have been curated for each character and the different settings. What's also cool is that the show took a moment to comment on major social issues like gentrification and how it negatively impacts locals to accommodate transplants, an ongoing problem, especially in NYC. While it is unfortunate that MTV pulled the plug prematurely, the show is great for what it is. If you want to check it out for yourself, the entirety of season one is currently available on YouTube.

Thanks again for taking the time to visit my blog! 💘 Please don't hesitate to share your own thoughts about the show!! Plus, if you have a playlist of the OST, please send it my way. I hope everyone has a beautiful rest of their day ⭐ 

📛 Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One Diatribe 📛

Disclaimer: This post contains spoilers for Mission Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One 

Good evening lovelies! I hope you're all doing well 🌻 This past weekend I went to watch Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One. I'm not familiar with the series despite watching the fourth installment in theaters;; I don't remember anything important from the plot, including the main character's name, only recalling how impressed I was during the scenes shot in Mumbai. My impression of the film is that it's whatever. I would go more into detail about my opinions of the film but as I was typing I realized I found a lot of aspects of the movie unfavorable and actually don't care enough to type them out. I will point out though that it made me most uncomfortable in how the only female character who wasn't white was the most sexualized in the film. The movie has at least three prominent characters that aren't male: Grace, Ilsa, and Alanna. While Paris, played by Pom Klementieff, is a villain sidekick, she has the least amount of lines from the entire cast despite having a decent amount of screen time. She's introduced during a high-action scene and despite that portion of the film requiring her to be behind the wheel, we're given an excuse for her to step out of her vehicle so we can catch a gust of wind fly her skirt upwards so we can take a peek of her undergarments. It must be noted that in this scene she wears a plaid pleated skirt that is reminiscent of a schoolgirl uniform. As much as I was entertained by the car chase, this shameless camera shot killed my amusement and I was forced to become more critical of how all women were portrayed. 

BtS photo of Pom Klementieff on the set of Mission Impossible 7: Dead Reckoning Part One.

The movie also has a tendency to present Paris from lower angles. Keep in mind she's only a supporting character and therefore her screen time is limited compared to our leads and yet the director and writers wanted us to see her from this position almost exclusively. When she is accompanied in the frame by other villains, who are mostly male, these angles become absent.

There's another portion of the movie that takes place at a ball/masquerade party and once again Paris is dressed in a pleated skirt and is now revealing her midriff. A fight breaks out and for a moment she gains the upper hand by choking Tom Cruise's character with her thighs. Her character is again shown in a sexual manner that is exacerbated due to her outfit. It should be noted that the rest of the white female cast does not share similarities with her wardrobe.

As you can see, Grace, Alanna, and Ilsa are always sporting outfits that are practical for stunts and combat. They all wear formal trousers, and blouses that are either accompanied by a blazer or trenchcoat. 

Additionally, there's a point in the film where a few characters, including Grace, are body searched by authority figures and the camera lingers either on their nervous faces, other people, or props that help fuel the story's progression while adding tension to the stakes. Meanwhile, when it's Paris' turn we get to a full frame of a male officer examining her chest. With all things considered, it's hard to overlook how she's the only character that was treated this way onscreen.

Toward the end of the film, Paris is finally dressed like the rest of the female cast as she undergoes a redemption arc. Not sure if her "uniform" is toned down much like her behavior, to possibly reflect she's no longer a femme fatale. The femme fatale is a notorious sexist trope that perpetuates the female stereotype of a beautiful woman whose "demonic" disposition comes at a lethal expense to men.

I want to emphasize that I do not support whorephobia or any degree of misogyny. Women along with all other marginalized genders should be able to wear what they want without scrutiny. But Paris does not have free will. She's a fictional character in a story directed and written by men and therefore all of her actions, including her wardrobe decisions, come from their volition. Considering how Asian women experience a specific crossroad of discrimination that intertwines both racism and misogyny, Paris' role and presentation are undeniably influenced by these aspects of white supremacy. 

Not sure how to end this post;; The movie is entertaining. I understand the series is a male power fantasy, not to mention the overall climate in Hollywood but I just wish I could also enjoy media without being grossed out by reminders of how society does not view women, women of color, and other marginalized genders as accessories at best. 

🌧️ 05/07/2023 Life Update 🌧️

Good evening angels 💝A recovering Teapearls reports once again 😓I didn't expect to be writing another entry so soon. I did have a scratchy throat on Monday evening, but it was so insignificant that I just took some over-the-counter medicine, called it a night, and slept well. The doctor and I believe what exacerbated my symptoms was the heat exhaustion I experienced when trying to do additional Uber deliveries in a car with no A/C. Because it was raining, I was forced to close the windows throughout most of the "shift." Upon arriving at my house, I immediately changed out of my clothes, wiped off the excessive sweat, and collapsed on my bed until dinnertime. I didn't drink water to avoid using the restroom, and I hadn't eaten a proper meal up until then either, resulting in my body getting upset with me. When it was time to wake up for work, I felt extremely groggy, and I was still sweating 😔 Understandably, my place of work urged me to seek a medical professional to rule out COVID-19, the flu, and strep throat. All tests came out negative and was told to just take Advil, rest, and drink plenty of fluids. I've been in and out of sleep since noon, and while my temperature has reduced, I still feel warm and my head is pounding. I'm looking forward to eating soon and then going back to sleep. I hope I wake up recovered enough to go back to work. Not only do I need the money, but I'm so anxious about missing out that I've even had dreams of being at work since last night 😭I guess this is a rude reality check to not overexert my body.

I hope that this life update has also reminded everyone to take care of themselves and that the body definitely keeps score of how we treat it and will speak up when it's had enough. Please eat your three meals a day with a snack in-between each, and a dessert if you're feeling feisty. Additionally, drink plenty of water, especially during this terribly hot summer. I am always wishing for everyone's health, abundance, and peace 💞 Please take care of yourselves. Bye-bye!! 👋💓

🌷 03/07/2023 Life Update 🌷

 

Good evening lovelies 💓I am so content to report that the rumors I encountered were true and that Nike was hosting a generous sale where many of their shoes were forty percent off! I totally took advantage of it and was able to purchase two pairs of shoes for work. I'm not a fan of sneakers, and I'm picky when it comes to buying any article of clothing, but thankfully I was able to find two styles that are cute and provide support for my feet. I'm up all day fulfilling my usual tasks, whether it's carrying little hummingbirds when they want to be carried, or ensuring the heavier equipment they interact with and play with is appropriately stored, so needless to say I'm more than delighted with my purchases. Not only that, I gifted myself a pair of baggy cargo pants and a plain white tee and wore those to work with my new kicks and received many compliments, so I feel extra happy 💅 Today's workday wasn't too busy since many of the kiddies were absent because their parents were probably granted the day off and understandably chose to spend the day together instead.

As I shared in the previous post, I really love my job and feel a great sense of fulfillment. Being around the kiddies makes me so happy, and I knew it would, but not to this degree. There was a part of me that feared that having this many toddlers would exhaust me, and yes, physically it does, but instead of deterring my desire to become a parent, it only exacerbated it. It's also inspired me to want to become a better educator, to the point where I'm considering getting an MS in behavior psychology. Last week, as I was cradling a little hummingbird who was having trouble falling asleep for nap time, their little head rested on my chest as their tiny hands fidgeted with the rings on my fingers, I thought to myself how little and new to the world they are and wondered what kind of person they'll grow up to be. As educators, we are limited in our time with our children, and therefore I hope the time we all spend together is gracious for them like it is for me. And not just for my new students but also for the elementary school students and high school students I once had too.

A parent gifted the other teachers and me some cookies 💓

Like always, thanks again for visiting my blog and taking the time to read my thoughts 🌸 I hope everyone is having a safe and cozy night. I was told the full moon will seem bigger than usual tonight so I hope everyone can enjoy it too 💘 

🌻 01/07/2023 Life Update 🌻

 

Good evening angels 💟 I hope everyone else is content and prosperous as well 💕 Since my last entry I started working a new job and I feel so blessed! I love it!! I enjoy what I do, and I feel warmly welcomed by my coworkers 🌟 The work days go by swiftly, I can't believe it's been two weeks already. I was really struggling beforehand and to be honest, I was mindlessly applying to a bunch of random positions, it feels like a miracle that I struck gold with this one. The pay isn't impressive - I think I'll continue to do deliveries on the side and might start doing tarot readings in the foreseeable future as well but I'm being guided in how to grow in my profession in a profound way which is lovely. What also makes me happy is how yesterday, one of my supervisors commented on how well I was doing and that my happy energy was contagious and appreciated 💝

I haven't mentioned it yet but in my new job, I work with toddlers and it's such a joy 💞 Like always, I was nervous about whether or not I'd be compatible with the group of children I'm going to be assigned to, especially this time since they're so little and so different from the high schoolers I was with in spring. During the screening and interviewing process, there was a strong emphasis on child-rearing, and while I do have experience in changing diapers, bottle-feeding, being pooped and thrown up on as an auntie of three and an older cousin to many, having more than two sets of twelve toddlers in my care in an academic setting is vastly different and I recognized this going into it. Luckily I'm never alone though. Three teachers are present in a classroom at all times which is a must considering our duties while also having to breakup disputes and other misbehavior from the kiddies. It does get overwhelming for me at times, but like I mentioned before, I feel supported and safe by the other teachers that it's never to the point where I feel like I'm incapable of doing my best ⭐

It's all wonderful but because I'm on my feet almost all day at work and then have to commute for over an hour back home my lower back is really angry at me so I'm seriously considering purchasing a pair of cushioned shoes to be more comfortable. I was looking online and from what I gathered, one of the local malls and its many stores will be hosting a huge sale for the fourth of July so I'm planning on browsing tomorrow and hoping for the best. I did some additional research on what types of shoes nurses wear since they're also up and about for even longer and one site that intrigued me was a shop called Clove. I've never heard of them before and a handful of reviews on a site somewhere mentioned that their shoes are nothing special for their prices but so many other reviews heavily oppose that statement. If you happen to have personal experience with them or have suggestions for orthopedic/cushioned shoes that aren't fugly pleaseee leave me suggestions in the comments. Many thanks in advance 💕

Anyway, it's getting late and I want to wrap this entry up sooner than I wanted. Thanks again to everyone who wished me luck and cheered me on throughout the hiring process 💖I'm so thankful for the good wishes and hope they all return your way times seven 💐 Thank you once more for taking the time in visiting my blog 🌙Always wishing for everyone's abundance, health, and peace 💓 Sweet dreams 😚💤